Samstag, 21. September 2013
Love love me do
I think I'm in love.
It was a bit of time coming, five weeks to be precise, but... I didn't know there are reciprocal feelings. It blew me away.
I got a text if I wanted to meet for a drink and when I texted back, that yes, I wanted, I immediately knew, this might be going somewhere. It did. He did the first step, he told me. HE TOLD ME.
I was thinking of you, K, all the time. Knowing that you would love this. That you would encourage me to feel the way I did. Even more. I couldn't, I'm so scared.
And in love. I think.
It was a bit of time coming, five weeks to be precise, but... I didn't know there are reciprocal feelings. It blew me away.
I got a text if I wanted to meet for a drink and when I texted back, that yes, I wanted, I immediately knew, this might be going somewhere. It did. He did the first step, he told me. HE TOLD ME.
I was thinking of you, K, all the time. Knowing that you would love this. That you would encourage me to feel the way I did. Even more. I couldn't, I'm so scared.
And in love. I think.
Mittwoch, 18. September 2013
Oh Kristian. Kristian. Kristian.
The day I feared the most has come.
I cried the entire night.
The world has become such a dark place.
So slow.
I feel as if someone has beaten me up for hours.
I slept in fetal position, hugging myself, holding a little stuffed toy. A fox, of course.
I was crying in my sleep.
I slept five hours, if not less.
I am crying now.
I broke down several times, until it was confirmed, until I was forced to believe.
Confirmation - I wish I never received it.
So many I's - and nothing is about me, it is all about you, Krille. All.
I might be the vessel of my pain, but I cry for you, for your life too short, for your children who will never be. I cry because of your family and friends, people I love as you do.
I hope you can float through space and it will be as orgasmic as you imagined it.
I truely do.
Nevertheless, I hate said space.
I will never in my life get around to understand or even accept why this has happened. Ever. Ever.
My sweet darling, I hope there is peace and love where you are.
I will always love you.
Always.
I cried the entire night.
The world has become such a dark place.
So slow.
I feel as if someone has beaten me up for hours.
I slept in fetal position, hugging myself, holding a little stuffed toy. A fox, of course.
I was crying in my sleep.
I slept five hours, if not less.
I am crying now.
I broke down several times, until it was confirmed, until I was forced to believe.
Confirmation - I wish I never received it.
So many I's - and nothing is about me, it is all about you, Krille. All.
I might be the vessel of my pain, but I cry for you, for your life too short, for your children who will never be. I cry because of your family and friends, people I love as you do.
I hope you can float through space and it will be as orgasmic as you imagined it.
I truely do.
Nevertheless, I hate said space.
I will never in my life get around to understand or even accept why this has happened. Ever. Ever.
My sweet darling, I hope there is peace and love where you are.
I will always love you.
Always.
Sonntag, 8. September 2013
Sonntag, 1. September 2013
Sweden vs. Australia
Why on earth did I not go to watch Kalle January 2010? Oh yes, I know, it was snowy, it was cold and above all I was pre-occupied. What a stupid bitch I am.
Instead of seeing someone who still matters to me, I went after a new fancy a day later.
I even saw Kalle and Krille a day later, being out partying at the same place where I was with others. Did I go up? Again, no.
If there is anything I regret in life, if I could turn back time, then I would jump to 29th and 30th of January 2010, spare me a lot of heartbreak and actually have a good time.
To hang with the boys I still love, the boys who are like my brothers, the boys who are so very important to my own development, the boys I spent days and hours with discussing music and literature instead of hanging with the grown up bad boys. For fuck's sake, Lisa. You had won yourself two more years of tears and heartbreak instead of a few hours of true happiness. You are such an idiot.
Instead of seeing someone who still matters to me, I went after a new fancy a day later.
I even saw Kalle and Krille a day later, being out partying at the same place where I was with others. Did I go up? Again, no.
If there is anything I regret in life, if I could turn back time, then I would jump to 29th and 30th of January 2010, spare me a lot of heartbreak and actually have a good time.
To hang with the boys I still love, the boys who are like my brothers, the boys who are so very important to my own development, the boys I spent days and hours with discussing music and literature instead of hanging with the grown up bad boys. For fuck's sake, Lisa. You had won yourself two more years of tears and heartbreak instead of a few hours of true happiness. You are such an idiot.
E. E. Cummings
love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail
it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea
love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive
it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky
Jag älskar dig så, min kära kära K.
Jag älskar dig nu och för evigt.
Abonnieren
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